Tuesday, February 11, 2014

'Song About Sauce' Offishal Lyrix by The Burnt Sausages 2013

ROSELLA
HEINZ
WHITE CROW
IT'S SO HARD
TO SAY NO
TO SAUCE, SAUCE
IT GOES WITH EVERY COURSE
EXCEPT DESSERT

HOMEBRAND
BLACK 'N' GOLD!
THOSE SACHETS YOU BUY AT THE CANTEEN FOR 20 CENTS
STOLEN SAUCE
DEAD HORSE
WE JUST TASTE WEIRD AND BLANK
WITHOUT SAUCE.

MASTERFOODS
MON
100% AUSTRALIAN TOMATOES
NO EXTRA PRESERVATIVES
WITH ADDED SALT
OR NO ADDED SALT
A SAUCE FOR EVERY TASTE
FORGET TOMATO PASTE
SUGAR
FOOD ACIDS
NATURAL FLAVOURS
CONTAINS GARLIC
PUMP ACTION
GLASS BOTTLE
SAUCE TAKES YOUR SAUSAGE FROM PLAIN
TO FULL THROTTLE!!!

Friday, April 5, 2013

New! New! Pastry View!

In my neighbourhood
I saw a man
He made a hole in his danish
And looked through it
At a tram

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

30 Dogs In 30 Seconds


Lassie
Golden Retreiver
Hound
Basset Hound
Huckleberry Hound
Pit Bull Terrier
Normal Less Violent Terrier
Dog (from Footrot Flats)
Hologram Dog On My Notebook From The $2 Shop
Poodle
Labradoodle
Toy Dog (Soft and Fluffy)
Toy Dog (Hard and Robotic)
Beethoven
The Dog From The Simpsons
Jack Russell
Husky
Paris Hilton Dog In A Bag
One Of Those Dogs That Hangs Around Near Its Owner's Coffin
One Of The Dogs That Forgets To Go To The Funeral
Hairy Maclary 
German Shepherd
Corgi
Porcelain Corgi 
Salt and Pepper Shaker Corgi
Inspector Rex
Otis From Milo And Otis
Hotdog
Hotdogs from Big Brother
Pug

Friday, September 7, 2012

Questions, Questions - Barbeque Questions. Written with Brother



  • How many chairs should I set up?

  • Should I let people go upstairs or confine the barbeque to a downstairs outdoor living area?

  • Which music should I play? 

  • How loud should it be? 

  • When should we turn it on?

  • Should we have a kids' table? 

  • How big should it be?

  • How many children are attending?

  • Do my friends have children?

  • How many toilets should be accessible? 

  • Plastic or foam cups? 

  • Should I invite two people with the same name? 

  • Or will that just be confusing?

  • If I just invite one of them, which one should I invite? 

  • Should it be based on the length of time I have known them or the amount of time I’ve spent with them? 

  • Which is the more important factor?

  • What is the average tolerable decibel rate for the barbeque?

  • Should I invite people whose voices have a similar frequency?

  • Should I wear a jumper? 

  • If I get too hot, should I take it off? 

  • Will that make me unidentifiable to guests?

  • Should I have a St. John’s Ambulance on standby?

  • Or will that unnerve the guests?

  • Should I offer sunscreen?

  • Should I make a record of who abuses my generosity? 

  • Should I supply clean drinking water?

  • If there’s a bird’s nest somewhere in the barbeque area, should I remove it? 

  • Will it be distracting for the guests?

  • Should I allow headwear in the house?

  • Should I tell guests that I will supply alcohol and then charge them for the alcohol?

  • Should guests be allowed to bring their non-biological children?

  • Or do I just want the numbers?

  • Does a dog count as a guest?

  • If so, how many dogs do I know?

  • Will the dogs need their own toilet?

  • Which toilet should I allocate to the dogs?

  • What do I do if there’s a rabies outbreak amongst the dogs at my barbeque?

  • Should I invite dogs?

  • What conversation topics should I allow at my barbeque?

  • Should I allow any conversation?

  • Should I allow the television to be turned on?

  • Can only sports-related programs be on?

  • Would a documentary be too engaging?

  • Which novelty apron should I wear?

  • If the novelty apron is not appreciated should I change into a normal apron or stand my ground?

  • Should women be allowed to use the barbeque?

  • What time should dessert be served?

  • Can it be an alcohol-based dish or will that alienate the younger guests?

  • Do I perhaps, want to alienate the younger guests? 

  • I was alienated as a child and I turned out fine.

  • How do I end the barbeque?

  • Do I set a time or just let the barbeque peter out? 

  • Or will Peter let himself out?

  • Should I assist this petering out by gradually withdrawing food, chairs and toilet access? 

  • Should I lower the oxygen levels?

  • Should I make passive-aggressive comments while washing the dishes after refusing assistance from guests?

  • How do I behave if guests want to stay for dinner? 

  • Will I base my behaviour on the rapport I have with the guest or what they have brought to the barbeque?

  • Will I have a conversation with someone who hasn’t brought anything?

  • Can you have rice at a barbeque?

  • Can I trust anyone to watch the barbeque if I am engaged?

  • Can I trust anyone at the barbeque?

  • Should I have a barbeque?


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Last Words of a Fish - A Poem by Danny Cisco

"It's sharp.
It hurts.
It got me in the cheek.
I'm bleeding."

Friday, December 30, 2011

Race To The Race: A Song About Being Late For Your Race At The Olympics

Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race-To-The-

Dad, why didn't you wake me up?

"I did wake you up. You went back to sleep."

Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race

I should've stayed at the Olympic Village.
I'm sure the Dad there re-wakes people up.

Race-To-The-Race
Race-To-The-Race

Didn't even get to eat my Olympics Breakfast.

Race-To-The-Race-To-The-

Mum! Where's my lunch? My Olympics Lunch!

With the tomato in the shape of the Olympic rings.

Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race

I'll just check my email.

Didn't get any emails.

Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race-To-The-

Shouldn't have stayed up late watching that documentary.
The one about the photographer who took photos of France.
And that other photographer who copied and took photos of New York.
I wish I was a photographer.

Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race

Where are my shoes?
Where are my shoes?

Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race

What should I do when I get my medal?
Podium Pose.
This one's good I suppose.
I'll definitely get a medal.

Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race
Race-To-The-Race

Should I wear runners or thongs?
Probably thongs.
Oh wait, I got new runners to wear at the Olympics.
Ouch, shouldn't wear new runners on the day of the Olympics
Oh, it's just tissue paper scrunched in the toes.

Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race-To-The-
Race-To-The-Race

Why is my race on the first day of daylight savings?
Now I'm not one hour late.
I'm two hours late.
Two hours late.
Two hours late.



Didn't even get to brush my teeth.