Friday, June 10, 2011

Newest Popular Television Programme

‘Australia’s Loudest Voices’

Contestants:

“I’VE JUST ALWAYS HAD A REALLY LOUD VOICE AND IT’S QUITE POSSIBLE THAT THE LOUDNESS OF MY VOICE IS ACTUALLY STARTING THE FIRES THAT I’M ALARMING EVERYONE ABOUT.”

- Brian Bigmouth, 32
Fire Alarm at The Biggest Hardware Shop in the World



“THE NEXT TRAIN TO DEPART FROM PLATFORM SIX HUNDRED AND FIVE WILL BE THE 10:38 SIGHT SEEING STEAM. PLEASE NOTE: CARRIAGE FOUR IS AN ‘OPTOMETRISTS ONLY’ CARRIAGE.”

- Booming Benita, 44
Makes Important Announcements at railway stations.



“THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE THE-EXPERIMENTAL-CABARET-BUSINESS, LIKE NO BUSINESS I KNOOOOOW…”

- Samuel Sound-Waves, 54
Regularly performs experimental cabaret to Small Audiences at Large Arenas with no amplification.



“THE GENTLEMAN IN AISLE THREE WEARING THE TASSLED VEST IS LOOKING SHIFTY. OR HE’S JUST EMBARRASSED BECAUSE HE’S WEARING A TASSLED VEST. I SHOULD PROBABLY WAIT UNTIL HE STEALS SOMETHING.”

- Aaron Amplifier, 17
Alerts management to shop lifters.



“NOW.”

- Glass Shattering Graham, 99
Lets the sun know when to rise and set.



“WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK? I REALLY LIKE ‘EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE’ BY JONATHAN SAFRAN FO- OH, I’M BEING EJECTED FROM THE LIBRARY AGAIN.”

- Margaret Maximum-Decibels, 62
Is often ejected from libraries.



"I think this will be an extremely unsuccessful program."

- Softly Spoken Director

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