Friday, September 9, 2011

Board Game Rules For Generous Hosts.

  • Dice may only be rolled after you've realized 35% of the pieces are missing and they've been replaced with buttons/paperclips/essential parts of the vacuum cleaner.
  • All contestants must be wearing matching CCs (Contestant Caps).*
  • Quiz questions must be Incredibly Easy or Way Too Hard.
  • If playing ‘Star Wars Game: Escape From Death Star’ you must let the Least Attractive Player be the Most Attractive Character.
  • When playing a VHS-oriented game, lose the tape.
  • When playing ‘The Family Ties Game’, lose the Michael J. Fox token.
  • If playing ‘Sale of The Century: featuring electronic buzzers and lights’ ensure before play that the battery compartment is clogged up with old melted batteries so that you have to recreate buzzers and lights yourselves. Make yours louder and brighter than any of the others.
  • Insist on using hotels as houses and houses as hotels. It’s always hilarious.
  • Grow your hair really long so that it drapes all over the board and no one can see what number you've rolled on the dice, how much money you have or where your counters are.
  • When your dog swallows both the kings, blame everyone else.
  • When playing ‘Cluedo’ in the rumpus room, announce “It’s Professor Plum in the study with the rope!” and hold up the cord from the curtain while laughing hysterically.**
  • When someone says “This isn't a study”, tell them to shut up.
  • After playing ‘Safely Home: The Game of Personal Safety and Saying “No” to Strangers’ ensure the route home for everyone is Particularly Dangerous And Stranger Riddled.
  • Leave the game set up and gathering dust on the kitchen table for weeks and say, “Oh, come on! We’re still playing that!” if anyone talks about packing it up so that Dad doesn't have to eat dinner by himself at the telephone table anymore.


* Or if playing ‘Cycletron: The Bicycle Safety Game’, matching CBHs (Contestant Bike Helmets).

**Wear purple as well.

1 comment:

Candy Bandit. said...

hahahahahahaha LOVE it.