Friday, September 7, 2012

Questions, Questions - Barbeque Questions. Written with Brother



  • How many chairs should I set up?

  • Should I let people go upstairs or confine the barbeque to a downstairs outdoor living area?

  • Which music should I play? 

  • How loud should it be? 

  • When should we turn it on?

  • Should we have a kids' table? 

  • How big should it be?

  • How many children are attending?

  • Do my friends have children?

  • How many toilets should be accessible? 

  • Plastic or foam cups? 

  • Should I invite two people with the same name? 

  • Or will that just be confusing?

  • If I just invite one of them, which one should I invite? 

  • Should it be based on the length of time I have known them or the amount of time I’ve spent with them? 

  • Which is the more important factor?

  • What is the average tolerable decibel rate for the barbeque?

  • Should I invite people whose voices have a similar frequency?

  • Should I wear a jumper? 

  • If I get too hot, should I take it off? 

  • Will that make me unidentifiable to guests?

  • Should I have a St. John’s Ambulance on standby?

  • Or will that unnerve the guests?

  • Should I offer sunscreen?

  • Should I make a record of who abuses my generosity? 

  • Should I supply clean drinking water?

  • If there’s a bird’s nest somewhere in the barbeque area, should I remove it? 

  • Will it be distracting for the guests?

  • Should I allow headwear in the house?

  • Should I tell guests that I will supply alcohol and then charge them for the alcohol?

  • Should guests be allowed to bring their non-biological children?

  • Or do I just want the numbers?

  • Does a dog count as a guest?

  • If so, how many dogs do I know?

  • Will the dogs need their own toilet?

  • Which toilet should I allocate to the dogs?

  • What do I do if there’s a rabies outbreak amongst the dogs at my barbeque?

  • Should I invite dogs?

  • What conversation topics should I allow at my barbeque?

  • Should I allow any conversation?

  • Should I allow the television to be turned on?

  • Can only sports-related programs be on?

  • Would a documentary be too engaging?

  • Which novelty apron should I wear?

  • If the novelty apron is not appreciated should I change into a normal apron or stand my ground?

  • Should women be allowed to use the barbeque?

  • What time should dessert be served?

  • Can it be an alcohol-based dish or will that alienate the younger guests?

  • Do I perhaps, want to alienate the younger guests? 

  • I was alienated as a child and I turned out fine.

  • How do I end the barbeque?

  • Do I set a time or just let the barbeque peter out? 

  • Or will Peter let himself out?

  • Should I assist this petering out by gradually withdrawing food, chairs and toilet access? 

  • Should I lower the oxygen levels?

  • Should I make passive-aggressive comments while washing the dishes after refusing assistance from guests?

  • How do I behave if guests want to stay for dinner? 

  • Will I base my behaviour on the rapport I have with the guest or what they have brought to the barbeque?

  • Will I have a conversation with someone who hasn’t brought anything?

  • Can you have rice at a barbeque?

  • Can I trust anyone to watch the barbeque if I am engaged?

  • Can I trust anyone at the barbeque?

  • Should I have a barbeque?


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